The question comes up every time: “Weren’t you lonely?” Growing up an only child, the author learned to answer with what people expected—”No, I loved it!”—but the truth was messier. There were books and TV shows to fill the hours, but also a quiet sense that too much solitude wasn’t quite normal.
Now, living alone after a breakup, that tension between solitude and loneliness resurfaces. A Maltipoo named Frank splits time between two homes, leaving nights with just reruns, vintage martini glasses, and the occasional doubt. Is this independence, or just another way of being alone?
The rise of the “LonelyGirls”
That’s when TikTok’s “loneliness influencers” enter the picture. The author calls them her “LonelyGirls”—women who document their solo lives without apology. The first she discovered was Lana Isa, @lanasololife, who films mundane tasks—making waffle fries, returning Amazon packages—with a quiet pride in her independence. There’s no performance of self-care, no forced optimism. Just the unvarnished reality of living alone.
It’s a contrast to the advice of writers like Nora Ephron, who urged treating oneself like a guest even in solitude. Isa’s oven-ready waffle fries, the author notes, feel like a rejection of that idea—proof that you don’t need to “wine and dine” yourself to be content. Other creators, like Devon and Paulina Cee, follow a similar ethos, crafting personas around privacy rather than spectacle.
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For women in particular, this feels radical. The author reflects on her family history, where few women had the chance to live alone by choice. There are moments of doubt—late Sunday nights, usually—when she wonders if she’ll ever share a home again. But there are just as many when she revels in the freedom.
No PR, just honesty
What draws her to these creators isn’t their cheerfulness. It’s their honesty. They don’t pretend their solo lives are perfect. Some nights are lonely. Some Fridays are miserable. But they talk about it anyway, and that’s the point. It’s a reminder that you don’t have to be fully at peace with your choices to find value in them.
The author’s life isn’t what she imagined in her early 20s. She has friends, a social life, and the freedom to stay in on a Friday if she wants. But that doesn’t make her better than the women who post about their solitude. At the end of the day, they’re all just figuring it out—cooking dinner, returning packages, and learning to sit with the silence.
Maybe that’s the real appeal. Not the promise of never being lonely, but the permission to admit it when you are.
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